The Worst Wonderful Time of the Year

Hi Everyone.. I am back after another hiatus of not posting anything on my blog. I doubt anyone will even read this! But that's ok.

What is the worst wonderful time of the year? The winter holiday.. I hate it. I absolutely hate this time of the year. Besides the annoying traffic, crowds at the malls, sales everywhere.. that you know aren't really sales, just really jacked up prices on things that are then slightly discounted.. no besides all of that.. it's the stress and expectations of everybody else around you in your life. Sometimes, all I want is to be, just simply be. Not to have to study for school, or to have to rush to my parents' where there is nothing to do except fulfill their dreams of preserving the me that used to live at home.. or even with my boyfriend where I play the role of girlfriend. No, all I want is to be. No expectations no stress.. just me, my life, my desires. The holidays are horrible for this. I have to go there, and see them, and do this and do that. Why? Because that's what you do.. crap. But I guess then the question is why do I have to go? Why don't I just say no, I am not coming. Thank you for the invitation, but I would rather be by myself. Then there's the hurt and pain you know you are conflicting upon that other person. Because then you are putting them in a position to have to explain to other people why exactly I haven't come to visit them. Then they will also feel shame that their family has problems. And then I have to turn around and know that I am conflicting that pain and shame upon them, and so my angst is compounded with that guilt.. and it all comes to the fact that life sucks. And that is why I hate the end of Thanksgiving until after Christmas.. and I don't even celebrate Christmas! The irony of it all..